I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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