I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
As shirtless as possible
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
