its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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