I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It was confusing and full of hummus
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
