I just threw up on my dentist
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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