my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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