Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
