hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
