and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
