so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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