I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
