Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
