the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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