I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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