what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
