Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
