The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
