Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
