just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
