All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
