what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
