Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
