Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
