Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
