I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
