I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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