After last night, I could never be a politician.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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