Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
