Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He? As in you personified your dick?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
