I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
