6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
