My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
