Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We got so high we made milksteak
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
