office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
