John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
