literally had 100 drinks last night.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
