3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
it's like heaven, but drunker
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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