70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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