I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
