the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
