I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
