he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
