the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
