Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
