is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
