Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Randomize
