Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
and you fell through a lawn chair
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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