4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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