Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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