You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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