he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
